Maybe this is a bit specific, but have you ever went to certain places to scope out someone you fancy? I don’t mean in a creepy stalkerish way but there was a time when I used to frequent a pub and look over longingly at the barmaid working there (This does sound creepy but I would’ve been there with pals first and foremost, I didn’t just stand about gawping, dribbling on myself - it was a very pure sweet thing, OK?)
I was just thinking about it today and how great it was to have that going on and that everybody should have a secret crush and never ever reveal their personal feelings about it until one day you have a break down and write it all in your impotent blog.
The girl at this pub was brilliant though - she took no nonsense from anybody and would fling herself around the room with a perma-scowl on her face. Screw friendly staff - you’ll never develop awkward feelings about friendly, approachable people as those situations are far too easily resolved to be in any way passion filled. No, what I needed to do, nay, should have done was square up to her and offer to smash the granny out of her, she would’ve respected that.
Instead what I did for ages was just furtively glance over hoping that one day she’d come over, throw me over her shoulder and take me away for a week of gruesome scowl filled sex.
The reason I was thinking about all this though was because of how I projected this character onto her, without knowing anything about her - she is almost certainly completely different to how I imagine. I just foisted certain traits on her which suited her demeanor at busy times in her workplace and how she reacted to them. Effectively I created the idea of a feisty, unapproachable lass in my mind which in turn created a ‘no go’ zone in the real world.
I feel like I should be applauding my mind for being so creative without any prompting but I just want to stick sharpened pencils up my nose instead since it’s bent on holding me back from ever licking another ladies face. Or whatever’s a normal sign of intimacy these days.